Weird Magnetic Field Causes DeSantis to Exempt Pro Wrestling From Lockdown

We now take a moment to offer congratulations to Vanity Fair magazine, the uncontested winner of the first annual Weird Florida Writing Award in the Breaking News category.

Writer Yohana Desta scored the honor with this sentence in an online post earlier today:

“The mysterious magnetic field that ensconces Florida in a never-ending loop of strangeness worked its magic again this week for a very special entity: World Wrestling Entertainment.”

Which raises the frequently asked question: “Why is Florida so weird?”

To which I ordinarily reply: “Who knows? But I’d be out of a job if it wasn’t.”

But now the answer is clear. It is the result of a “mysterious magnetic field that ensconces Florida in a never-ending loop of strangeness.” A new, heretofore little understood natural phenomenon, like quarks, or dark matter, or the elusive covfefe.

Love it.

Thanks, Yohana. I plan on stealing this line as often as possible. In fact, I think I just did. Twice.

yohana destaYohana was not alone in pouncing on this story. The internet virtually belched forth a sea of words describing this latest lunacy from the Gunshine State, all a consequence of Gov. Ron DeSantis’s decision to declare that professional wrestling is an essential business in Florida exempt from the coronavirus shutdown.

You know, essential, like ambulance drivers, doctors, nurses, and clueless politicians.

World Wrestling Entertainment tapes its bouts in Orlando, and DeSantis said exempting the company from the state’s lockdown orders is justified because it is “critical to Florida’s economy.”

So live wrestling matches will now be allowed to resume.

DeSantis, who is rumored to sleep with a photograph of Donald Trump under his pillow, has been sluggish—at best—in responding to the pandemic, famously allowing spring breakers to cavort on the state’s beaches spreading disease.

And as The Slatest pointed out as part of the barrage of news coverage:

“The governor, often referred to as a ‘mini-Trump,’ is granting this lucrative exemption to the WWE, which is owned by Trump booster Vince McMahon, whose wife, Linda McMahon, served in the Trump Cabinet and runs a Trump 2020 super PAC.”

For it’s part, the WWE is understandably delighted with the exemption:

“We believe it is now more important than ever to provide people with a diversion from these hard times. As a brand that has been woven into the fabric of society, WWE and its Superstars bring families together and deliver a sense of hope, determination and perseverance.”

I will leave it to you, dear reader, to decide how comfortable you are wearing this cloak of a society interweaved with the likes of Jake ”the Snake” Roberts, Andre the Giant, Bret “the Hitman” Hart, Hulk Hogan, and something called The Undertaker. And my imagination fails me when I contemplate just how this could be central to the nuclear family’s wellbeing, but I was an orphan, so what do I know?

STRANGE FACT: Blood-borne diseases are a real threat to professional wrestlers, especially hepatitis. Not to mention wear and tear and whatever they are doing to bulk up. The list of wrestlers dying young is lengthy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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